Radish Meat
by G.A. AnimeFan4
Summary: The Great Momochi Zabuza, holding title of one of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen, a devil...was a terrible liar. At least when it came to the little boy he picked up on the streets.


_A/N: Sorry if it is a little OOC. Beware Zabuza's bad mouth._

_I do not own Naruto, nor the picture used._

* * *

"Oi, Haku! Get over here."

He heard soft footsteps patter against the ground as the child hurried out of the trees obediently. The two were on a mountain path, heading for the destination assigned them for his latest mission. The sky was painted a deep blue from the late afternoon; the air was mild, a little sticky and humid.

All the walk to that point, Haku had been chasing small bunnies around, irritating Zabuza somewhat. He'd only picked up the child from that snow-covered bridge a few months ago, and was _slowly _getting used this new "parenting" thing.

At one point, one of the fluffy creatures had given Haku the slip, saddening the boy. The older man had given in, turning around and chasing after the stupid thing. He'd given it to Haku by the ears, it dangling helplessly. Zabuza had tried not to smile at the bright look in the child's eyes. Internally, he was cursing himself for being so soft. Later on, the rabbit had wriggled free of Haku's death grasp, bounding off into the shrubs. To say he was crushed would be an understatement; that is, until he got distracted again.

A rusted pot hovered over the crackling flames as Zabuza, a natural survivor, improvised with dinner. An ash landed on his exposed hand, causing him to hiss. Haku rushed over, looking up at his menacing caretaker. "Are you alright, Zabuza-san?"

Zabuza grunted a _"yes"_ and lifted the stew from the fire, pouring some into one of the two bowls he'd stolen from the last village they'd passed through. One had a crack in it.

"What are we eating?" came the innocent, high-pitched voice.

"Ra-" Zabuza stopped, realizing what he'd nearly said. There was no way in hell he was going to tell the boy that they were about to eat...well... "Ra...dish... Radish stew, Haku."

His small figure bent over the adult's arm, peering at the soup. "But this is meat!"

"It's...," he bit his lip. "It's _radish meat_." Zabuza mentally face-palmed at the moronic words. But Haku was young, so he might buy it. Or at least, the man prayed he would. And as a member of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen, Zabuza did _not_ pray.

"But radishes are plants, aren't they?"

The _shinobi_ scowled behind the white clothes he covered his face with, pondering what to say next. "Well...yes, but not at the center, okay?"

Haku frowned curiously. "Why is there meat in the middle?"

"Because...it just is." Damn that kid's intelligence. Then again, it wasn't like it was strange for him to grow a little interested at the made-up concept of meat-plants.

"What does radish meat taste like?" said kid asked.

Zabuza's back went rigid, having no way to answer that directly. He faced away from the child he had picked up on the streets, giving himself a masculine pep-talk.

_'Come on, you can do this! It's just a kid, he'll get over it! You are a devil, a demon! You can face a mere brat! Damnit, why does he have to be _cute_?! What's happening to me?! Argh, this is pathetic! Just tell him what's in the God-damned stew!'_

Zabuza whipped around, jaw unhinged, ready to shout it to the world. But as soon as he met Haku's big, round eyes, he paused. He fought to find the right word but couldn't; they stuck in his throat.

And so, the ninja turned away again.

_'This is simple! The soup has rabbit in it! Tell him, ya dumb bastard! He's waiting! He'll get suspicious! COME ON.'_

The man shifted so he was staring at Haku once more, arms crossed, hoping to boost his self-confidence. "You see, kid...the radish meat is really-" The boy tilted his head to the side, and Zabuza felt his resolve wither. "It's really..._tasty_. Well, it's like rabbit meat, but it's not! I assure you, it's radish meat! Rabbits are our friends." The awkward silence that followed made the missing-nin want to slap himself. He was a terrible liar. Had Haku been a little older, he'd realize that, too. Luckily, he was naive.

"That doesn't sound very good...," the youngster hesitantly murmured, shuffling his feet. "But I'll eat it for you, Zabuza-san!"

"Good, now just eat the shit," the _shinobi_ shoved a bowl towards the tiny follower, exasperated by the questions.

Haku took it, glancing up at the taller. "Zabuza-san, what is 'shit'?"

Another quiet filled the air.

Followed by a very daring cricket chirping...and finding a _kunai_ wedged straight into it.

"That's a no-no word, Haku, got it?" Zabuza growled after a minute or so. "I can say it, but you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because...I said so."

"...Okay!"

Zabuza sighed thickly as Haku skipped away to the far end of site, knowing to give his superior space. The rouge shinobi turned away towards the pot, scooping some of the soup into his own bowl.

_Stupid kid outwitting me..._

He sat himself down on a stone nearby, dipping his spoon into the stew.

_If I told him it was rabbit, he'd freak. I sure dug myself into hell this time._

Angry more-so at himself than the little boy, Zabuza bit down on the spoon harshly, trying his concoction for the first time. He paused for a long moment, half-swallowing.

"HAKU!" he shouted rouchly, spitting the rest out of his mouth dramatically. It tasted like shit! And if the boy ate that, he'd be sick for a month. "Haku, don't eat that- what, Haku! Spit it out! Now!"

"Hai~"

* * *

_A/N: As **"**requested**"** by _Blackwing Fray the Huntress_. It was something we came up a while back. Zabuza had to take up the daddy job^^ But seriously, when you have to eat in the wild, you have to eat. Rabbits seemed easy where they were, but Haku was attached to them. LOL ZABUZA IS A BAD LIAR~ Maybe this will help my writer's block. _

_Glad to waste a few minutes of your lives~ Please leave a review if it amused you:)_

_-G-A;)_


End file.
